Twin Speak.

So I am a twin as most of you know. An identical twin. Being in Utah this weekend reminds me of being a kid.. a youngster not a baby.  But my mom remembers me (us) as babies.  My mom says we were the happiest babies ever. I think it’s because we had each other. Knowing that someone always has your back is a very comforting feeling, lets you cut loose, laugh, and just have fun.

My mom was talking with AbFab about my sister and I, and sent these YouTube links to AbFab…  she said  it “reminds me of your mom and ‘Paula’ in their wonderful younger years”.  I watched the videos, and it does remind me of the special bond  I share with my sister – our own language, our own way of communicating.. it just worked. We always entertained ourselves, each other.. we were always finding fun together, exploring the great outdoors.  Being a twin has been a challenge – Since all I know is that strong connection, I almost expect it in my partnerships. Well, that’s what my EX would say.  I don’t think this is necessary this is the case – I think anyone who wants to be connected with a person, a partner, you want that special connection.  

Twins are fabulous – complex and simple all at the same time.  I love my twin, as different as she is, she is fabulous.   She is the funnier one, I’m more serious…  but it doesn’t matter what we are or what we’ve done, I know she loves me and I love her. It’s a warm blanket I have wrapped around me at all time. 

O.k. enough about us, check out the video’s, they are each about 2 minutes long:

Twin boys in a serious conversation … about what? Who knows. Doesn’t matter, what matters is that they make sense to each other.

 And this one… I actually remember being a kid… My sis and I had so much fun (I don’t remember my parents until I was in my early teens).  Notice how they don’t really know that their parents are around because they are having so much fun with each other. Yup, that was my sister and me.

Last but not least, what its like to be a twin as described by teens.. – things are fun, such as trading places, strong intuition, dressing the same, etc.

O.k. enough twin stuff.  I’m exhausted and heading to bed. I’ll post my UT experience in the next day or two. It was FABULOUS.  I loved seeing my family – next time I want one more day…  just one more day….

On “PTO” and a Few Random Thoughts.

So, I’ve taken Today and tomorrow, Thursday and Friday as  ”PTO”, Personal Time Off .  I still need to work a little bit, largely due to my OCD….  I have to do it.  I can’t not do it, which intrigues me – I’m so tired of working, soooo tired of working nights and weekends…. I finally get a few days off, and I work.  I know why – I know it will make a difference.  And my name is on it.  I’m only as good as my work.  I DO NOT, will not deliver shoddy, less than perfect work. Thus, my working during my PTO.

I’m in Utah now, staying at my parents house (I love my parents, I can’t even remember why I didn’t like them anymore). The plan was to attend AbFab’s college graduation ceremony on Saturday.  I just found out today that there won’t be one.  I’m not disappointed for myself – I get to spend time with AbFab in a less structured environment.. but I’m disappointed for her. I really wanted her to go thru the ceremony.  She has worked very hard to complete this program (she’s a Pharmacy Tech, works at a local hospital, mixing and dispensing meds to patients, how cool is that?!?!?).   I wanted her to experience an “end” of her hard work..  to solidify the end and a new beginning…   This is just my want for her, she seems to be fine with her choices so I’ll move on.

Friday night I’m spending the evening with LilDarlin. We are going to paint our nails and watch movies. I’m also going to set her up with new, cool, music…   That was her Xmas wish – to spend an evening with Auntie “Paula”…  not a thing, not money, but time with the coolest Aunt in the World.  I know, makes your heart melt doesn’t it?!?

Alright, enough about work and family, here are the few random thoughts:

• Went out with my Utah Realtor last night (Thursday). He had on a ‘skin’ vest.. very similar to the one I wrote about in a previous blog – Date With My Utah Realtor.  The funny thing is we ended up hanging out with two very cool girls who commented on his vest.  I couldn’t stop thinking about telling my blog fans about it (who else can I share it with?!?)
• I just searched my own website for the link for the above blog and I realized that I’m now the first google search return for Paulas Ponderings (I wasnt before… ).  I also realize that I can’t search my own blog for links.. bullshit I tell you. I’ll change that if I can.
•  Utah is so beautiful – a gorgeous state. If they could get over the mormon thing, seperate chuch and state, Utah would be the new California
• I’m done with Law and Order SVU.  I stil like Law and Order, I’m just done with the whining and crying of the victims.  For those of you who respond with anger… I get it… .. but if you continue to support the victim mentality, you will get a victim.  Done with victims..
• I got my hair colored, it looks fabulous, I look fabulous.  I really like my new colorist/stylist… but she works next to the person I’ve been going to for years (they work at the same salon, and in my defense I ONLY went to her because my colorist/stylist was not available multiple times)…  still, when I had my color done with the new gal on Wednesday, my original gal was there… a tiny bit uncomfortable.

Regarding the house, I’m working on a purchase contract.  ATrain is helping me with it.  The lender did not call ATrain, me, or the realtor today…. he is a friend of ATrains.  ATrain says if he doesn’t call back or call the agent to pull a contract together that we can work different avenues (meaning I get to find someone)… Its strange having someone ‘help’ me – I didn’t ask for the help, I really don’t know how to ask for help, ATrain offered.  If it works out I wil be forever grateful. 

Alright. Enough updating. I’m exhausted. Ill write more later. Have a great Friday everyone.

A Year In April.

In April, it will be a full year since I’ve seen or heard from My Mr. Big.  I can’t believe it.  A FULL Year.  I never thought it was possible, us not being together, now its been a full year since we’ve had any contact.

As far as I know he hasn’t tried to reach out to me.  I’ve wanted to respect his privacy and wishes, so I’ve only thought about him.. except one time.  I did send him a Happy  Birthday email on his birthday in December.. no response.

Crazy how life changes. How you can go to thinking that someone will always be there for you, with you.. and another minute, they are gone, gone forever.  I’ve always believed that life can change in an instant…  this experience is no exception.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what happened to him, wonder where he is, if he is happy, why he chose to stop all contact..  But as a dear friend tells me, its my lot in life to wonder about things that I will never learn the answer to.  We are thinkers, wanderers, my friend and I, destined to roam this earth wondering about things beyond our control…

I did and do love him, My Mr. Big.. always will.  He brought such joy to my life, gave me a new perspective on life and love…  I was lucky to be with him, even if just for the short time that we shared together. I do miss him…

Meet The Sig Others Weekend.

Last week it was visiting my parents in Utah. This weekend ATrain and I spent the weekend in the city that never sleeps:  NYC babe! 

Unicorns and I were talking a month back about how much we wanted to see each other…and meet each others new beaus.  She found a great deal on hotel rooms on our company CorperatePerks website. We booked the rooms, bought tickets for the The Book Of Mormon show and the plan was made.  In addition to meeting up with Unicorns, GFP also happened to be in NYC with his new girlfriend…So, we had ourselves a “Meet the Significant Others” weekend in New York City!

We stayed at the Waldorf Astoria, a great older hotel with larger than normal rooms.  We upgraded our room to get a King+ junior suite so the room was bigger than normal.  It had additional space that had a couch and a few chairs (and a unstocked wetbar).  It was really nice. 

Friday night we all had drinks at the Waldorf then off to dinner at a great French Bistro on the Upper East Side.  Saturday we all did our own thing during the day. ATrain and I met up for drinks/dinner with Unicorns and her new beau. GFP did his own thing with his girlfriend….

Sunday was a lazy day but we had to meet early for dinner because we wanted to eat before our show, which started at 7pm.  We had dinner at Becco.  I have to say that I wouldn’t go there again.  The food wasn’t that great, the service was o.k..  our waitress was great but the restaurant was way too crowded.  Why? Because they put up to 6 people at a 4-top.  They sat a family down next to us, where one of the diners  basically was sitting in Katie’s lap…   It really wasn’t kosher.  This set ATrain off and he let the waitress know that given the overcrowding already, that it wasn’t really reasonable to put more than 4 people on the 4-top.  The waitress basically said they always do this (as I looked around the room and sure enough, they indeed do). We did end up moving to a corner in the room, in the back. It was very tight – waiters had a hard time getting to each table .. and they couldn’t even get to me. I had to lift my plate up to be served….   It was slightly embarrassing that ATrain made a big deal about it given that the restaurant does indeed do this (seemed like we were the only ones not in the know).  But I do think that the restaurant has just gone over the top with their seating there is a line that needs to be drawn with the overcrowding for a buck.  Given that the food wasn’t that great, we will not be going back there.

The Book Of Mormon musical was so much fun.  I haven’t been to a show for a very long time, and this was so funny, I’ve not laughed that hard in a long time.  There are mormon quirky things that I wished had been in the play – like how Mormons love their sugar and anything jello, the way there is a mormon caste system (born mormon is better than a converted mormon), etc.

Oh, and I saw Maya Rudolph  at the play. I said hello to her, that I loved her work.  She gave me a smirk, an eye-roll, and then just walked off (or continued walking, I don’t think she ever really stopped).  Now here is the thing – If you want to be a star, and you become a star, and then someone recognizes you, why don’t you just say “thank you”?  Why be an asshole about it?  I’ll never get it.  You spend your entire life to become a star, you dream to be a star, and when you finally become one AND people recognize you as one, you snub them.  So stupid. 

Anyway, I’m on my way home now, enjoying every minute on my Virgin America return flight.  Thank you Virgin America for having  customer focused and happy employees and the nicest, cleanest planes on the market.

Introducing The Family.

So, I’m home tonight.  I just finished up with dinner at my favorite watering hole with ATrain.  We are doing very well…   so well in fact, that I’m taking him home to “meet the parents”.  I was thinking about it tonight, I’ve NOT introduced my parents to anyone except GFP in 5 years.  Tomorrow I’m taking the ATrain home with me to meet the parents.  5 years.  5 YEARS.  I keep repeating it because I can’t believe it.  My EX never came to Utah with me – I think he thought my family was beneath him (he was spoiled and elitist IMO), the last time he did was 2007.  That means that my parents haven’t met anyone that I’ve been with or dates in the last 5 years.   I know, I keep saying it, it’s just so surprising. No wonder they all think I’m a lesbian! 

BTW, ATrain is Jewish, my parents are Mormon. I didn’t even know that there were Jewish people until I left Utah..  needless to say, there wasn’t much of a Jewish community in Provo Utah in the 1980′s… 

Finally, I should be working, I have a  TON of work to finish up before I can call it a night, but I wanted to share this momentous occasion.  I will let you know how it goes. With any luck, I’ll be able to take time away from work and actually do something fun for a change… like blog!

Long Overdue Update.

I know… I read all my blog friends updates, and I give none of my own.   I LOVE reading the updates… no matter how short or lengthy they are.  And as much as I enjoy them, I don’t seem to be able to write until I’m overwhelmed with a bullet list of activities to share.   I need to follow in the footsteps of my favorite bloggers,and get better about sharing on a regular basis..

A quick couple of updates for now :

• Old Boyfriend:  I sent an email to My Mr. Big to wish him a happy birthday.. his email address is no longer active.  I’ve spent a lot of this year holding on to him…. . missing him, missing him desperately at times.  The fact that his email address does not exist anymore smacks me over the head (and heart) with a dose of reality.  He has moved on, and that I alone have been the one holding on to the idea of him, the idea of us.  I thought we had something so special .. and we did.. but that was then, it this not now.  An “email account that you tried to reach does not exist” message from Gmail” has knocked some sense into me … As hard as it is to admit, he has moved on, and as special as what we shared was, it is no longer.  It takes two to make something magical, and as much as I love(d) him, he is not in that magical place with me.  Time for me to grow up, get a move on, and get over it. Those of you who know me will know that this effort to move on will be a new years resolution…   
• New Boyfriend:  I met a gentleman in my favorite bar in early November… we really get along well.  I just spent a full weekend with him. Yes, a  full 48 hours.  And I actually liked it.  I did not only not tire of his company, I actually enjoyed it.  The even better news?  I actually miss him tonight.  Crazy… He has met my family (AbFab and family were in town for 10 days), they like him.. My friends CLicisous and her hubby have met him and love him…..  All goodness.  However, (isn’t there always a but??), he is a bit older than me and looks it.  So, he is older and looks older, I’m 40 and look younger.  I never thought I’d care what others thing, but I do feel a bit self-conscious when I realize that people are staring….  wondering if I’m his daughter vs. his lover…   He is so sweet and good to me, we have a lot in common (kids the same age, same philosophy in life, same politics, etc.), and so much fun together…  I’m going to ignore the looks from others and give this a go.. …
• Family Visit:  AbFab  and her family came out to stay with me for a few weeks … God, I’m still missing them. It was crazy around the house with 4 other people, but a good crazy.  I am in love with AbFab.. and her girls, Mayonaise and Shaynayhay are awesome.  I didn’t get as much time with them as I would have liked (I still had to work), but boy, are these girls full of energy, personality, and plain old goodness. 
• Parents Visit:  My parents came to CA and stayed a couple of days with me.  I loved seeing them, relaxed, and enjoying themselves n a different environment.  They seem to like it, and I really enjoy having them see my friends, experience my life.   I love them dearly, as I get older I realize how much they have given me, how much they have influenced me, the person I’ve become.  They are good peeps… and  plan on spending more time with them in the coming new year.

I’ve had a couple of hard work experiences lately, I’ll write more about this later as it has to do with personality conflicts…  too much to explain in this update…

I’m looking forward to these last few weeks of the year,  have a lot of work to do, but it’s also the time  take to reflect on this year, form new goals for next year, and enjoy my family and friends….

Thanks for your patience.. I’ll get better at blogging regularly once again.

Giving Thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  This my favorite holiday, a time to really focus on and appreciate what I have.  I have so many great friends, I love the family I’m close to, and I really enjoy my job.  I’m very content with the way my “new” life has turned out… I’m very lucky – I’m healthy and happy.

So, onto a life update.  First, I apologize for being so out-of-pocket.  Work has been busy, and I’ve just not had the energy to write.  I’ve got a ton of things to share, but no time to share them.  A quick update below as I have to go and get ready for my big Thanksgiving dinner with GFP’s family.  GFP is currently on the roster, but over the year, we have become very good friends.  I love this man, he is definitely one of my best friends now.  He will be moving off The Roster and onto my About Me page here shortly. 

Work wise, the meeting in ATL was great, but the deal isn’t going to close this year.  Mama may not get her diamond ring for Xmas.     Good news is that we did what we went to do, and there is potential to close the deal in Q2 of next year.  Works for me.  It’s a deal still on the table. Yeah. 

Family wise, AbFab, the Hubby, Mayonaise, and Shanayhay are heading to CA.  They wanted to drive vs. fly (crazy kids I tell ya). They will be here in a few weeks and will spend a week here…  I can’t wait!  I’ve taken a few days off to spend with them. A lesson I learned while my parents were here.  Yes, my parents came out a few weeks ago and I did not take any time off.  I know, what was I thinking?!?  I absolutely loved having them around, spending time with them in my hood.  My dad wasn’t feeling well so they only met one person. That person?  GFP. Yep, GFP came over and we all watched football together.  It was a very cool evening.

On the dating front, I met a wonderful man unexpectedly.  He was sitting at the bar at my favorite bar/restaurant one evening when I was hanging with CLicious.     He is smart, energetic, fun, has a job that he enjoys, loves his family (he has a 23-year-old son)..  I’ve been out with him 6+ times now.  He is a gentleman thru and thru.  He is older than me by quite a few years – by 23 years.  As you know, I like them older so this doesn’t bother me.  He is so nice to me, always thinking about ways he can take care of me.  I’ve never had a guy want to take care of me – focused on how they can contribute to my happiness.  It’s very different for me.  I’m still uncomfortable with having someone be so kind to me but this is definitely something I need to get over (I’m so used to taking care of myself, why can’t I just let that go a bit and let someone else do something nice for me?!??! This is a topic for another blog).

I’m also thinking about my New Years Resolutions.  I love setting goals for myself..  I’ll spend the next month formulating them… I don’t like Christmas – the commercialism of it all, so I choose to ignore the holiday, be a good person, and think about where I want to go/be next year…  This makes me love this part of the year. 

O.k.. I’ve got to go, get ready to hang with GFP and his family.  Please enjoy the friends and family you’ve chosen to surround yourself with, appreciate what you have, and let go of the rest.

Not Home. No Candy.

This is the sign I hung on my door this evening.  Yep, the fun hater in the neighborhood is me.  Never thought it would be – I love Halloween….  but today, this week, this year, not me. 

Mr. Showtime and I had planned a simple party, a Napoleon Dynamite character party, where I would be LaFawnDah and he would be my Kip.   Obviously that didn’t happen.  When will I get to be LaFawnDuh??? 

I just had dinner with GFP, and I have had enough to drink to say things I probably shouldn’t… but here goes:

• Love GFP…  because his friendship means the world to me, and there are no strings attached. I love that he is in my life… and he wouldn’t be if he was as black and white as Mr. Showtime and Dear Paula Letter Writer  were about relationships.   
• I make the best Pomegranate Martini’s … so delicious they are dangerous.
• Breaking Bad is the best series EVER. I just finished Season 3 on Netflix… Bummer for me.  Season 4 just finished but Hulu doesn’t have  rights to run it (along with a bunch of other shows).  I’m getting close to discontinuing my relationship with Hulu.
• My parents are coming to visit this weekend… I’m planning a Meet the Parents night…  more deets coming.
• Unicorns is gone.  Once again she has galloped out of my life, into her own…   she will be living in Boston soon. I can’t wait to visit.

In general, I spent the day/the last few days feeling down (Katie’s departure, The end of my time with Mr. Showtime). Its been hard to get up these last few mornings… not too hard to pick up a glass of XXX (goose, wine, etc)…   I need to snap out of it quickly….  The upcoming holidays surely don’t help.  I’ll figure something out…

Oh, I also have decided to start focusing on my New Years Resolutions.  I take them very seriously, and I need something to focus on right now…  work has been good but very frustrating, and my love life.. well.. hasn’t been that great.

O.k.. so I’m done with my public pity party.  Halloween has come and gone… I didn’t pass out OR eat any candy today……  Makes this a good day in my book.

Weekend With Family.

I’m in Utah this weekend, enjoying some time with family.  It’s a quick trip, our annual school clothes shopping adventure.  I’ve been doing this with the girls in the family since my niece AbFab was 6 years old.  She would come out to CA and hang with me .. we would shop for school clothes. There are so many things we got for her that we both loved – the fabulous green dress with a scarf when she was 8, her down puffy coat years later.. 

This year the event occurred with my twin, my two nieces AbFab and LilDarlin’ (my twin sisters daughters), and AbFab’s two darling little ladies Mayonaise and Shanaynay.  We did all our shopping in one long afternoon.  It’s the shortest shopping trip we have ever had, but it was enough.  Mayonnaise kept calling us “The Family”, and wanted all 6 of us to do everything together.. everything.  Mayonaise is not a quiet child, I do wonder if other shoppers thought we were part of a polygamist family (we all look so much alike).  Either way, a GREAT day, we got everything we needed to go back to school in grand style. 

We shopped until 6:30pm or so, then had dinner with my parents.  It was so good to see them and spend some time with them. Even though they all live in Utah, they do not get together as often as they would like – They don’t live close and they all have family obligations (kids, jobs, you all know the drill).  Anyway, it’s nice when I come into town they make a point of getting together (to spend time with me, how awesome is that??!?) .  It was a great dinner.

After dinner, AbFab and my twin went home, and my niece LilDarlin’ and I watched the little ladies.  I booked a hotel with a pool so that we could swim (and boy did we ever!).  It was late by the time we got to the room, so we just did girls stuff (manicure and pedicure, chit-chat, etc).. .   We had a great time at “Paula’s House” (that’s what Mayonaise calls the hotel) – Girls will probably remember painting fingers and toes, swimming, and jumping on the bed the most.. 

The next morning we got up early and swam for almost 2 hours!  We got ready and then headed over to McDonald’s for fries and Payland, finally making it home around 3pm.   LilDarlin’ and I relaxed on the couch for a while… then off we went to the Family Dollar for a few things..  AbFab made a great dinner, and after the kids went to bed, AbFab, LilDarlin’ and I hung out and reviewing pictures of past experiences.   AbFab left for work (she works graveyards) and put LilDarlin’ and I “in charge” again….  And we did not disappoint!

We got up early in the morning, hung out, and enjoyed each others company.  Kids had Otter Pops while I had my coffee, then had yogurt and granola for breakfast.. pizza for snack all before noon.  It is so fun being the Aunt – I think that anything within reason is o.k. as long as they treat each other with love and respect.. so a few popsicles during their morning ritual will not kill them.

Anyway, I did have to leave and it was hard. Very hard.  I cried as I drove to my parents house.  I love all te kids – it’s so hard to not be around as much as I would like to be.  But it is what it is, and I will be back in a few months.  I do have to say, the weekend would NOT have been over the top fun if LilDarlin’ wasn’t with me – she is the coolest aunt in the world to the girls - they idolize her and she loves them to pieces back.  She helped me with their schedules, guiding me on the best way to take care of them…  She is such a sweet, loving,  and kind person.  She is  heading into the 6th grade with more wisdom and independence than I’ve seen in most 6th graders. 

I did arrive to my parents house at a reasonable hour, had some time to catch up with my parents.  I love coming home and catching up with my parents.  My mom always makes me a very fondly remembered “favorite meal” and my dad gives me the update on his store – he owns and manages a small computer business in Utah.  He’s just moved into a new building and is working hard at building up business at his new location.  My mom made me meatloaf with a baked potato and canned green beans.  I loved this meal growing up, and it tasted sooooooooooooooo good this evening.  She even made one of my favorites for dessert – brownies!  We had a great dinner, great conversation, and it’s just so good to see my parents.

Ok.. I’m exhausted, I’m heading to bed in a few minutes. I have a few blogs to write about specific events/experiences.. I will try to get to these on the airplane.. .. I’m heading back to Atlanta for my last week of on-site support for the immediate time being.

Good night folks.

Quick Update.

I know, you all miss me. I’ve been out-of-pocket because I’m out-of-town. I’m spending most of August in Hotlanta (and not because the guys are hot)…   I’m in ATL for work (shameless plug for the fabulous (exKimpton) Marriott Renaissance Hotel)….   a great opportunity worth $$ if we can close it.   However, there are several observations that I want to share with you:

1. Unicorns is at home, in CA.. and I miss her every minute of every day that I’m gone.  I want to be making dinner with her, creating jewelry, and catching up on life… talking, drinking wine, enjoying her company.  Bums me out I’m missing out on that (although, we all know Unicorns is just fine without me and out and about entertaining herself)
2. Life is so crazy right now that simple pleasures make me happy. Case in point: 
• I’m so happy when I go to the bathroom and the toilet seat is up.  It means I am the first one to go to the bathroom and I’m the first one on the toilet seat.  It makes me smile and happy…  What puts a bigger smile on my face is when I go back to the bathroom, I have to find another stall with the seat up…  I love a good challenge. 
• I heard Barry Manilow on the radio at the restaurant I had lunch at yesterday.. It reminded me of th time I went to his concert with my mom and twin a lot of years ago… big smile.
3. Looks like I might have 2 dates this weekend – MM guy on Friday, and Middle Seat Airplane guy on Saturday.  Yep, I’m a mover and a shaker…  both of the men are on my roster.. yum!

I should be writing status to my manager… but I did not, I decided to give you’ll an update…  I know, you feeling the love?!!? 

O.k. my sleeping pill is kicking in… good night, sleep tight, and don’t let the bed bugs bite.